i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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