Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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