Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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