They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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