Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
