I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
