never play flip cup with pint glasses
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize