i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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