with your own penis?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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