So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
