Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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