evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
