Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
