Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
