billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize