According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
