you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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