Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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