I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
