I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
