we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
