mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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