apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
