Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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