I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
