im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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