smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
