So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
