nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
