I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
