I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I faked an abortion last night.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
