Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
