I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need a beard to bite.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
