I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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