3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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