If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
