I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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