We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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