Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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