Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
