Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
