I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
