uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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