there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This is my life. Enjoy the view
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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