Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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