nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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