Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
