oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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