We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
worst night to have a conscience
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
