Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
