i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
