So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
