I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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