I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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