i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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