Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
