i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
vagina is talking i cant
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
